19 July 2011

werewolves and vampires

Today, I uploaded my final paper for my online English class. I think she gave us a break for this last project as everything leading up to now had required tons of research, and was heavy in detail. Ugh. This time we got to pick from several different categories, were to keep it short, and only had to describe which of the writing techniques we used during the course of this class. Which I won't bother to address here. But I thought I'd share my final with you just for shits and giggles. I can't imagine I'll get anything other than an A! Seriously, I'm no writer. I'm good for a few one-liners accompanying a photo. Hopefully, I'll get back to my primary goal of nonsense soon.

Image of Barnabas Collins, swiped from the internet


     In recent years, we’ve seen a large shift in villains of the horror genre. Basically, they are rarely seen as villains any more. Writers and movie producers are taking what once was considered horror-based creatures and have turned them into love interests. Where have we gone wrong?

     I speak, of course, of werewolves and vampires. Bloodthirsty monsters of the night, ripping flesh from bodies, or sucking them dry of their blood. Those are the characters I grew up with. Barnabas Collins on Dark Shadows was so creepy with those sinister eyes and sunken cheeks; you’d be hard pressed to find anyone willing to get within thirty feet of him. I used to bury my head under the covers at night thinking he might fly into my bedroom. Now, we can look forward to Johnny Depp as Barnabas Collins, and this time my attitude is, “I should be so lucky.” Why, even the 1960’s version of a vampire is exponentially more appealing than 1922’s Nosferatu. Though the years, they remain very pale, and rather gifted in some area or another because they’ve had hundreds of years to practice speaking Russian or play piano, but there was a day when vampires used to disintegrate in sunlight, where now they sparkle. It’s my guess that in another forty years, their bite will cure AIDS.

     I recall seeing An American Werewolf in London many moons ago. (Pun.) David was another character that frightened the hell out of me. I don’t remember him having a chiseled body however. I’m sure werewolves get quite a workout, but if they’re going to have their clothes torn to shreds, why just their shirts? I conducted a simple search online and found a link describing how one can tell if someone is indeed a werewolf. It listed; increasing violence, restlessness, and unprovoked rage. It’s my guess, one would find a similar laundry list if they were to search “signs someone is on steroids”. Maybe there are more werewolves out there than we care to admit. The janitors at Gold’s Gym may have additional insight.

     I’ve also observed that these days, you tend to see both these creatures everywhere together. Seems you can’t throw a vampire without hitting a werewolf.

     Now, what’s the story with zombies? When did they get so damn fast?


missing moments said...

This is just to darn funny! Great job! A+

Nancy @ A Rural Journal said...

I don't get the whole True-Blood/Twilight thingy. I find it funny to watch. Vampires and Werewolves should be scary (she said as she waived her cane in the air.)

Great writing and funny! :)

texwisgirl said...

'can't throw a vampire without hitting a werewolf'. ha ha!!! love your wit.

yes, the whole 'sparkling' in the sun is just ridiculous! and speaking of ripping off clothes, how come The Hulk never outgrew his pants?!

i loved barnabus collins too. now THAT was a great soap...

great job! i think you're a shoe-in for an A.

Leontien said...

haha loved your pun and YEAH! what's up with those zombies!!! Dang....

haha those werewolves and vampires, well, growing up with intervieuw with a vampire and Bram Stokers Dracula, love and those creatures get together.... i guess...


Hannah {Culture Connoisseur} said...

Lol. This made my day. Sharing with friends...they need to read this!

Samantha said...

I, for one, am glad zombies are now Zoombies.
I found it ridiculous that shuffling zombies always managed to get anyone.
"Oh, no! The Undead are after us! Everyone, pick up the pace to a brisk walk!".

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