22 June 2010

foto-free rambling

My Mom has this saying. "If I had that guy's _____ and he had a feather up his ass, we'd both be tickled!" Not that I heard if often as my Mom isn't a terribly envious person, but it proved to me she was human and would like nicer things in life, like anyone else, frankly.

I can understand envy. "I wish I could afford a car like that." "That is a sweet Ipad!" But I don't understand jealously. I understand it's definition, of course, but unless I take envy to the degree where I steal my object of desire, it's not effecting anyone life but my own. Jealously effects lives, and often unnecessarily. It's an emotion that is born from one's own misguided interpretation of the situation, and usually leads to deceit to spare the jealous person of more of the same. Elvis understood. "We're caught in a trap...because I love you too much, baby."

What am I getting at here? Jealousy was basically the downfall of my first marriage. "Yes, I was talking to that guy. I asked what today's specials were. So fuck you." I'm not even exaggerating. Your emotions may not run high enough to express disapproval of your loved one. Maybe you just feel that twinge of "what does s/he think s/he's getting away with?" and simply pout for the next 24 hours. Not hugely different, in my book. Your feelings will eventually get expressed and one of two things will happen. 1)Your significant other will think you foolish and eventually grow tired of the unfounded accusations. Or, 2)said loved one will think you're being silly as it is only you they love, then proceed to protect you from reliving the experience by hiding further events (or articles) until you've actually managed to alter the personality of this person you love. This version takes much longer to transpire as years could pass before they realize how miserably unhappy they are and leave you when you're no longer attractive to anyone. (Not you though. You still look great for your age!)

Even though I'm not a jealous person, I feel the weight of it. My being a friend to someone of the opposite sex or simply a friend of a friend who introduced me and wonders now why we are close. Gosh, I guess we bonded over your psychosis. Who'd have thunk it?

I could go on about inanimate subjects but I'm sure you can come up with your own example of having an object or talent or simply a knowledge of something, that someone else finds worthy of hatred toward you. I don't want this to sound like I have some huge ego and am worthy of jealously either. I really don't. What's mine is yours until you've proven yourself incapable of sharing your own object/talent/knowledge. In this case, your jealousy is just annoying and I will happily move on to friendlier territory. I'm sure you have your reasons for keeping such a tight reign on your life. I just don't understand it. And you, in turn, don't understand what you're missing.

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fly over country, United States
this blog is my "live" photo album of sorts. occasionally, i'll throw in some art i've done or some work of my husband's as he's an artist as well. we have a nice yard in a quiet neighborhood with two pugs and a cat, all black. which most of my photos will attest too. ;) i'd love to hear from you, but happy for you to just browse. hope you find something to make you smile. b.